Like a Drop in the Ocean
by webofdreams89
Summary: "Yeah, I think that's part of my fatal flaw. I put the people I love before everything else, but when I fail them, I just can't let it go," Percy admitted. How Percy learned to let go, to forgive himself, and fell in love in the process.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Hey everyone! This is something I've been toying around with since I finished House of Hades. I'm not entirely sure how I feel about the first chapter right now, but I can't stare at it anymore. Just to forewarn you, there will be mentions of emotional/sexual manipulation and underage in the story, but it won't be explicit. It isn't exactly non-con but it's really close because one of the characters is so young and the other is older. So TW!

There are HoH spoilers, so if you haven't read it yet, you've been forewarned!

I'm not sure how long this is going to be just yet, but I do have a decent length outline written out so far. Hope you like it!

* * *

Like a Drop in the Ocean

Chapter 1

* * *

_We ourselves feel that what we are doing is just a drop in the ocean. But the ocean would be less because of that missing drop. _

_-Mother Teresa_

* * *

When he dreams, it is of the dead. The people he couldn't save, the ones he's killed or who died as a result - indirect or not - of his actions. Their faces swirl together in his mind, berating him for failing them, cajoling him into joining them.

He sees Bianca's dark flashing eyes, the wrinkle in Zoe's pensive brow, Beckendorf's calloused hands. Silena's grin, Bob's kindness, Damasen's courage.

But it wasn't just his friends, but those whose lives were ruined by the war by the enemy in a different way. He also saw the angry twist of Ethan's mouth, Luke's deep-cut scar and scared, pleading eyes, the rasp of his voice when he spoke low in Percy's ear.

After the first time, after that first death, Percy had trouble sleeping. It began with just insomnia, long hours staring at the ceiling of his bedroom at home or his cabin at camp. Sometimes Tyson was there and he tried to concentrate on the steady breathing and snoring that filled the room, hoping it to lull him asleep. It rarely worked.

When the insomnia finally caught up to him, and it always did, Percy would fall into a deep, disturbed sleep full of night terrors and they went on for years. After they'd defeated Gaea, Annabeth was there for him, but her fatal flaw didn't weigh on her conscious the same way Percy's did. She tried, tried so hard for nearly two years to help him, sticking by him long after her family and friends recommended she cut her losses.

And eventually, she did.

Percy felt the loss, felt it so much, but it didn't affect him as much as he wanted. Their relationship had ended the day he'd failed to save his mom and Paul and his newborn sister near the end of the war.

So when Percy woke screaming, pale and sweating and breathing hard, he felt his bedmate, a guy he met a few hours earlier at a bar, slip wordlessly out of his bed. He scooped his clothes up off the floor and was gone, not wanting to deal with that sort of baggage.

A few hours later when Percy finally conceded he wasn't falling back asleep, he got up, glancing around his place for evidence of the man. This one, too, failed to leave any sort of contact information. Percy hadn't really expected him to but it still left his stomach filled with a knot of loneliness.

* * *

Sometimes, he heard from his old friends from Camp Half-blood. Grover tried to catch him by Iris message every few weeks or so, Juniper and their two little ones running around in the background. Old campers dropped in on him on occasion. The Stoll brothers stayed a weekend at Percy's place about a month ago and Clarise and Chris dropped by a few weeks before that.

Other than that, though, Percy is alone. After Annabeth left him, Percy had fled New York as fast as he possibly could. With his family gone, with the constant plague of nightmares, there was nothing keeping him there anymore. He left his apartment with a backpack and a duffel and, after wandering the country a few weeks, found himself in San Diego, staying in a hostel nearly a week before Percy found a small, run down house to rent in Ocean Beach. He found work as a surf instructor and lifeguard and other sea-related odd jobs. He didn't have a lot of money, but it was enough to get him by.

He loved living right next to the ocean. The Pacific was so different the Atlantic, all restless and agitated and frenetic like how Percy felt inside. The only time he ever really felt calm anymore was after work when he would sit in the wet sand, the ocean lapping at his legs, to watch the sun set.

It allowed him to, even just for a few moments, forget the way his life fell apart around him.

* * *

Every weekend, Percy tried to make it up north to Camp Jupiter. For as much as New York was a painful reminder of the past, Camp Jupiter didn't conjure up the same memories. It was nice to spend time with Hazel and Frank, and even Reyna was a good, if not brash, distraction from his life.

Not long after Percy settled down in San Diego, Blackjack moved to Camp Jupiter to stay close. Percy didn't travel much except up north to Camp Jupiter, so Blackjack was always eager to stretch his legs and pick him up during the weekends. After moving, Blackjack had met a nice pegasus, and they'd had a few kids. Percy was glad to know that, while his own life was in shambles, it wasn't necessarily the case for those he cared about.

One such Saturday, Percy touched down near the stables within the camp, spending a few minutes chatting with Blackjack's mate and cuddling his kids before stepping outside into the sunlight. He raised his hand to block out the sunlight blaring down into his face.

From his left, he heard footsteps and soft gasp. Turning, Percy saw Hazel and another person, a male that wasn't Frank, approach him. "Percy Jackson," she said happily, coming forth to hug him, "as I live and breathe." Her smile was wide when as she pulled back, smoothing some of her curls behind one of her ears.

"Hey Hazel," Percy said, feeling a small smile slip onto his face before he turned to her companion.

Even though it had been nearly six years, Percy would have recognized Nico di Angelo anywhere. He had to be around twenty now and it showed. He'd grown a lot, now around Percy's own height. Nico was still on the slender side, but he'd clearly filled out, broader shoulders, thicker muscles with wiry long legs and a flat torso. Percy took in the shaggy dark curls and olive skin, lingering on his high, defined cheekbones and the graceful slope of his nose before darting to his eyes. They were dark, still filled with the same intensity Percy remembered from when they were younger.

He'd never noticed how long Nico's black eyelashes were before, but was struck by them when they briefly rested against Nico's cheeks as he blinked.

Something, a weird, encompassing fluttering sensation, passed through Percy's stomach and he felt his pulse speed up as he and Nico stared at each other for a long moment. Percy was vaguely aware of Hazel curiously looking between the two before Percy cleared his throat and said in a low voice, "Nico. It's been a while."

Nico breathed in sharply and crossed his arms over his chest, Percy's eyes darting down at the movement to watch his muscles flex, before looking back up. "Hi Percy," he murmured, looking hard at the older man before dropping his eyes down to his feet.

Hazel looped an arm through one of Nico's and offered her other arm to Percy. He tore his eyes away from Nico and took Hazel's arm with a small smile.

"It's so nice to have my two favorite Greeks here with me again," she said, leading them away from the stables. "It's been years."

"It has," Percy said, keeping himself from looking over her head at Nico's profile like he wanted to.

"You hungry, Percy?" she asked, smiling up at her friend. Percy wanted to say no, that he'd eaten before he left that morning, but she'd know he was lying. His silence told her as much. Hazel frowned. "Yeah, that's what I thought," she grumbled. "You haven't been taking care of yourself again. C'mon, let's go feed you, Percy." She steered them toward the mess hall.

Percy felt Nico look over at him. He looked back.

Nico's gaze was inscrutable. It had been so long since Percy had spent any time with him and even before, Nico had always been something of an enigma to him. Now didn't seem to be any different.

Several minutes later, they sat in the mess hall with trays of food in front of them. Percy obligatorily dumped a portion of his chicken fingers and French fries into the fire and stared around the room. It was between breakfast and lunch so there weren't many other people around.

"I can't believe the three of us are all together again," Hazel said, almost gushing. Both Percy and Nico looked over at her.

"Yeah, sorry I don't get up here more often," Percy said with an apologetic smile. "Work keeps me pretty busy."

"You, Percy, are forgiven," Hazel said, reaching across the table to gently rub the back of Percy's hand, before turning her attention to her brother. "But Nico here, this is the first time I've seen him in person since the war ended."

Nico frowned and Percy could see the guilt etched onto his face. "I've been busy as well," he said in a small voice. "You know how Father is."

Hazel sighed. "I do. At least you send regular Iris messages." Her voice was sardonic but the smile on her face was affectionate. "I just missed you, Nico, that's all."

Nico looked uncomfortable at the attention, but attempted a small smile for his sister. Looking up at Percy, the first time in several minutes, Nico asked, "So how is Annabeth?" he asked. There was something curious about his voice and made Percy frown.

The question startled him. "Annabeth? I don't know. I haven't seen her for a while."

It was Nico's turn to look surprised, his eyebrows knitting together. "You haven't seen her for a while?" he asked, sounding confused.

"Well yeah," Percy said, shrugging. "We broke up like four years ago."

It was almost comical to Percy how wide Nico's eyes grew. "Oh wow, Percy, I'm sorry. I didn't know."

"It's okay," Percy murmured, "it's been a long time."

He gave his old friend what he hoped was a reassuring smile, but wasn't sure. It wasn't often Percy was around people that were able to trigger any sort of emotional response from him, people who really knew him and had for a long time.

The three of them lapsed into a silence while they ate before Nico asked, "How is your mom doing?"

Percy's fork clattered to the table, a loud clanging sound breaking the silence. He clenched his fists tightly, suddenly so angry that it was blinding. It was stupid and he knew it, but Percy just wanted to lash out, to break something, anything to make the tight pain in his chest dissipate.

"Nico!" Hazel hissed harshly, Nico looking over at her, confused.

Percy did his best to push the anger and ache aside. His voice came out as a deep, gruff sound. "You really _haven't_ been around for a while, have you?"

He pushed up from the table, spared one last glance at his friends, and said, "I'll be back in a few. I just…I just need…yeah," and he was gone.

* * *

"What did I say?" Nico asked his sister as he watched Percy hightail it out of the mess hall.

"Oh Nico," she said, grabbing her brother's hand, "Percy's had a really tough time since the end of the war."

"A lot of us have," Nico said, unsure, prompting her to go on. His frown grew when he saw the tears fill her eyes.

"When we got back from Greece, Percy went home and found his family – his mom, stepdad, and sister – they were all dead. We think one of Gaea's minions went after them when things started to look bad for them."

Nico felt like he was going to be sick. He'd met Percy's mom and stepdad before and he'd really liked them. They were beyond kind and welcoming to some dumb little kid that tumbled in unexpectedly through Percy's bedroom window on his birthday. He hadn't even known that Percy had a sister, but she had to have been young, barely more than a baby.

"I had no idea," he said finally. He pushed his tray away and leaned his elbows on the table, burying his face in his hands.

Hazel absently rubbed his back. "I know," she said softly. "I wanted to tell you, but it's not something you exactly tell someone over Iris message."

"You're right. I made a decision during the war to stay away, to retreat, and this…is one of the consequences. Sometimes I really regret it," he replied before releasing a sigh.

"I know, Nico," Hazel said. "I've always known why you needed your distance." He looked over at her quickly, face unreadable.

The old panic that filled Nico wasn't the same as it had been when he was fourteen, now a much duller anxiety, but it was still something he'd never talked about with his sister.

Though he hadn't grown up with her like he had Bianca, Hazel still knew him well. She knew how he felt about Percy and had for some time, remembering the devastated looks on his face when Percy fell into Tartarus and whenever Percy and Annabeth were around.

"I should go talk to him," Nico said finally.

His feelings for Percy were complicated, always had been, woven with years of longing and loathing, but he still hated knowing that he was the cause of pain for Percy.

"You're a good friend, Nico," Hazel said, offering him an encouraging smile.

Nico found him a few minutes later at the Camp Jupiter's corral, leaning against the fence and staring out.

Despite the years that had passed since he'd last seen Percy, it was still instinct for Nico's eyes to rake down his body. It wasn't necessarily sexual this time, not like it was often was when he was younger and confused, but more observatory. Back when he was fourteen, Nico had been unintentionally good at reading the older boy simply from years of looking. He'd known when Percy was upset or angry or frustrated even when the boy hadn't outwardly expressed as much.

Years had passed, but Percy's body language hadn't changed so much that Nico couldn't read him. His shoulders were locked, tense, back stiff. His weight shifted anxiously from foot to foot. Anger and unresolved grief radiated from him in waves; years of spending time with the dead made that much obvious.

Even throughout two wars, Nico had never seen Percy this way, adrift, distracted, without focus. Just lost. It hurt Nico to see him like that, and much more than he thought it would after so much time.

He watched Percy for another moment before walking forward and settling next to him on the fence. Nico opened his mouth to speak, but his brain blanked. It had seemed so easy when he was still in the mess hall to just go out and apologize for speaking carelessly. But now that he was there, standing next to him, he couldn't think of a single thing to say that sounded like enough.

After a moment, Percy looked over at him wryly, a look that didn't quite extend to his too green eyes, and said, "These horses are better entertainment than any soap opera you could find on daytime TV."

One of the horses, a big russet stallion with scars down his sides, snorted, making Percy let out a bark of a laugh. Nico looked over at him, raising an eyebrow.

"C'mon, Bruce, we both know it's true," Percy said to the horse, who merely whinnied before trotting off.

Turning to his friend, Percy said, "Well, Bruce there is in love with Carmen-" Percy pointed to a pretty black horse with a white stare on her muzzle, "-but she broke up with him for a horse named Baxter. He's not here at the moment. But now Carmen's pregnant and she refuses to tell Bruce who the father is. And now a pegasi named Dane has set his sights on Carmen as well. Dane is Blackjack's brother-in-law – you remember him, right? – and absolutely loathes Bruce. They've been rivals since they were kids. Dane gave Bruce those scars during a game of truth-or-dare turned ugly."

Nico snorted. "Wow, that _is _complicated," he said dryly, adding, "I'd forgotten you speak horse." He looked over at Percy again.

"I speak sea creature too. Just one of my many talents," Percy replied, looking over too. His voice was low, barely a murmur that Nico felt all the way down to his groin.

Fuck, Nico thought, was Percy actually flirting with him?

Before he could even think about it, before he could rationalize it, Nico found himself saying in an unintentionally husky voice, "I bet you have a lot of talents."

Immediately, he wanted to kick himself, to find the nearest shadow and high tail it out of there for the next six years, but the smirk Percy gave him in return was genuine which made it so worth it.

"So I've been told," Percy replied, and Nico felt six years of distance and anger and repressed emotion effervesce with awareness. So much for being over it.

They lapsed into a silence after that, staring out at the horses. Bruce sidled up to Carmen, who seemed a little pleased with the attention.

Inside, Nico was still reeling, not having had to deal with feelings this intense in years. He was trying to sort through them when Percy broke the silence.

"I'm not angry with you," he said. "I mean about what happened in the mess hall. You didn't know."

Nico sighed. "That's sort of the problem though, isn't it?" he asked, running a hand through his curly hair. "It's been six years and I didn't know. I've been in the _Underworld_ of all places, and I didn't _know_."

"Nico, it's okay," Percy assured him, turning his entire body to face him. "You didn't do anything wrong. It wasn't your responsibility to keep track of every little thing in my life."

"Percy," Nico said with a sigh, "the loss of your family isn't a 'little thing.' More than anyone, I _know_ that."

The unreadable expression on Percy's face, so unlike the Percy Jackson Nico had once known, filled Nico's gut with ice. "Yeah, I know you do," Percy said, his green eyes intense. He exhaled, and ran a hand down his face. When he finally looked back up, he looked apologetic. "I've been a bit of a mess for a while now, but you don't need me to dump on you, right? So why don't we go rejoin your sister?"

"Yeah," Nico said. He didn't really want to drop it, but he could tell it was Percy needed at the moment. So instead, he said, "Okay, let's go."

* * *

When they made it back to the mess hall, Percy saw that Frank had joined Hazel. They looked like they were having an intense conversation that abruptly silenced when they noticed Percy and Nico approaching them.

"Hey Frank," Percy said, sticking his hand out.

Frank immediately stood, shaking Percy's hand in his own. "Hey Perce, it's good to see you again." He looked next to Percy at Nico. "Good to see you again too, Nico. Even though it's only been about two hours since I last saw you."

They all sat down and Hazel plastered a smile across her face. She rummaged around in her bag for a moment and pulled out two envelopes, sliding one across the table to Percy and one to her brother. Percy frowned at her a moment before picking it up. He saw his name written across in neat script. His eyes looked back up at her and she rolled her eyes.

"Open it, silly," she urged. Frank smiled over at her, wrapping his arm around her and pulling her to him.

Simultaneously, Percy and Nico opened their envelopes. Percy grimaced as he mutilated his envelope, pulling out a small card. A pair of doves resting on a sword adorned the front of the card. He smiled a little, opening it.

"You guys finally set a date?" he asked, grinning up at them.

"We finally set a date," Frank confirmed. He planted a kiss on Hazel's temple.

"Wow, only three months from now?" Percy said, reading over the card before grinning back up at his friends. "I can't believe you guys are finally getting married."

"I know," Hazel said tranquilly. She and Frank shared a kiss, but even for as quick as it was, Percy could see the love that radiated between them. "I feel like we've been together forever already." Frank articulated his agreement.

Percy felt Nico shift next to him and when he looked over, saw a pensive expression on his face. His dark eyes shifted to look at Percy briefly before he reached across the table and took his sister's hand.

"I'm really happy for you, Hazel," Nico said. Percy was surprised by how soft his voice was, like velvet, like a whisper, and again Percy found himself strangely pleased by the ways the years had changed Nico di Angelo.

* * *

After spending most of the day with the campers on the river in canoes, Percy agreed to referee that night's war games. The war games were several hours earlier than they were usually held because of a dance that Percy had completely forgotten he'd agreed to help chaperone. He'd just finished fulfilling his two-hour time commitment when he spied Nico sitting by himself in front of a campfire.

Percy felt a strange tug in his chest, a sudden desire to go over and talk to him. He scooped up an extra can of pop from the cooler and made his way over, sitting down next to him.

"You look like you're having a lot of fun out here by yourself," Percy said, handing over the can of cola.

Nico grimaced. "Yeah, dances aren't really my thing. Especially when I'm several years older than most of the people here."

A deep, resonating laugh burst from Percy's chest and he briefly clapped Nico on the shoulder. "Gods Nico, if you're old then that makes me _ancient._"

He saw Nico roll his eyes, scoffing. "You aren't ancient, Percy. You're perfect." Percy was sure Nico hadn't actually meant to say it out loud, but was surprised by the sincerity he heard in Nico's voice. He didn't know what to make of it.

"I don't know about that," he said, staring into the flames. He then pushed his uncertainty aside, nudging Nico with his elbow, smirking, and said, "You're such a flatterer, di Angelo."

Which only seemed to fluster Nico more. He ran a hand through his curly hair and, if Percy didn't know better, his cheeks brightened, confusing Percy.

After a moment, Nico forced a protective, albeit not entirely fierce, glare on his face and said, "Only you would accuse me of that, Percy." Percy was intrigued by the way the corners of Nico's mouth curled up in amusement.

"You're probably right about that," Percy said with a laugh. It had been such a long time since he'd spent any time with Nico, especially time alone, and it staggered him how bizarre and right it felt at the same time. The two of them had a rocky past at times but regardless, Percy had missed him.

"So what have you been up to all this time?" Percy asked. "Hazel said this was the first time she's seen you since after the war?"

Nico made a strange noise and tightly gripped his pop can. "I've been in the Underworld. It's been in chaos for years because of the war. Especially because the Doors of Death were open for so long. It really messed things up and there was a huge backlog of dead people. It took a long time to sort things out."

"The Underworld?" Percy asked, stunned. "For six whole years?"

Nico sighed. "There weren't many people who could help Dad out. So it kind of all fell to me."

"Jeez Nico, I'm really sorry," Percy said, giving his friend a long look.

"There's no reason for you to be sorry, Percy," Nico said, and his voice was soft again.

"Hm," Percy hummed noncommittally. "Most of the time, I'm not so sure. I've made a lot of mistakes." _A lot of people died because of me_, he didn't add.

"Percy, we all have. You're just harder on yourself than most people."

"Yeah, I think that's part of my fatal flaw. I put the people I love before everything else, but when I fail them, I just can't let it go," Percy admitted. The anxiety, the fear, the disquiet he felt after waking up from each nightmare came creeping back, settling in a pool low in his gut.

"You know," Nico began, voice thoughtful, "in a way, your flaw is a little like mine."

Percy frowned. "You mean holding grudges?"

Nico nodded. "Exactly. Only instead, you can't stop from holding a grudge against yourself."

"I think you might be onto something there, Nico," Percy said, looking thoughtful.

"It isn't and never has been your job to save everyone, Percy. No single person can save everyone."

Snorting humorlessly, Percy said, "Annabeth always did say I had a bit of a hero complex."

Almost imperceptibly, Nico briefly tensed before relaxing again. He gave Percy a sardonic smile. "A _bit_ of a hero complex?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

This time when Percy laughed, it was full of his old mirth and brightened his entire face, green eyes gleeful. "Heh, you're right about that. When did you get so wise, Nico?"

Nico smirked, dark eyes flashing. "Puberty might have had something to do with it," he said throatily.

"Yeah," Percy replied, his eyes sweeping over Nico, "I can tell."

* * *

The weekends Percy made it up to Camp Jupiter, he taught the younger campers horseback riding, aquatic activities, and Greek-style combat. The next day, Percy bumped into Reyna who informed him he'd be working on sword fighting with his students that day. She taught the campers Roman warfare herself, but wanted her campers to have a well-rounded education.

After the end of the war, the Greek and Roman demigods had made great strides not only towards friendship, but also in working together. While campers were now able to choose the camp they primarily attended, many of the kids chose to stick with the camp that corresponded to their godly parent, there were still efforts, trips, and quests put forth every year to integrate campers. For the most part, it worked and the campers got along with each other, much better than they had at least when Camp Half-blood first made contact years ago.

Officially, Percy was the representative from Camp Half-blood, while Jason was Camp Jupiter's rep, acting as liaisons for their home camp and bringing forth their own unique styles to the other camp.

That day, Percy demonstrated a few sword fighting drills with his students before he divided them up into pairs to spar. He walked between them as they fought, periodically correcting form and posture and giving advice. After a while, he stood back, arms crossed, to watch them.

"You're really good at this," Percy heard someone say behind him. He turned and saw Nico approaching.

"At what?" he asked, his brow furrowing.

"Teaching," Nico elaborated as reached his friend.

Percy snorted. "Well, that's good because I teach in my other job too."

"You're a teacher?" Nico asked, clearly surprised.

"I am," Percy said, but Nico saw the way he was grinning. "I teach surf lessons. I'm a lifeguard too."

"Ah," Nico said, and he was smiling too, "I can see you doing that. You live on the shore?"

"Down in San Diego," he admitted absently before taking a step forward, attention on a pair sparring nearby. "Al, you're dropping your elbow again. Keep it up!"

Al diverted his attention and his partner, a girl about fifteen or so, dropped Al on his ass and cheered. Al groaned. The girl pranced closer to Percy, swinging her sword around carelessly. Nico raised an eyebrow.

"Why don't you give us a demonstration, Mr. Jackson?" she asked. "We've never really seen you fight before. Not for real."

"Need a partner?" Nico asked, drawing his blade before Percy even had the chance to think about it, to back out.

A familiar glint sparked in Percy's eyes and he slipped his pen from his pocket, uncapping it, and Riptide sprang forth into his hand. Percy dropped into a crouch, flipping the blade a few times around his hand.

A wicked smile stretched across Percy's face and Nico felt his breath catch in his throat because this was Percy in his element and clearly years of telling Nico telling himself he was over him didn't work nearly as well as he thought it had. Nico mimicked Percy's crouch and readied himself.

"You ready for this?" Percy asked, his voice teasing.

"Are you, _Mr. Jackson_?" Nico asked mockingly before striking. Percy raised his sword and parried, spinning out of the way.

From there, it was simply a clash of blades and adrenaline coursing through them. Percy hadn't felt the burn of a real fight since the last time Jason had visited the camp. Some buried, repressed part of him still loved the way pure instinct took over during a fight, even something as simple and nonthreatening as a spar. It made him feel more alive than much else did anymore.

Nico swept his blade at Percy's feet and he barely had enough time to jump out of the way before Nico was on him again. "Good to see you haven't been slacking in the Underworld, Nico," Percy said with a laugh. He jumped out of the way again before pivoting and attacking.

"Someone's gotta be able to wipe that stupid, egotistical smirk off your face," Nico said, dodging Percy's strike.

The class formed a loose circle around the two older demigods, but their cheers and shouts were completely drowned out by the clang of swords, the blood surging in their ears, and the thump of their erratic heartbeats. Even Hazel, Frank, and Reyna ended up wandering over sometime during their fight, but they weren't aware of it at the moment.

Neither of them was sure how long he fight went on, but they were both breathing hard, tired, and slick with sweat by the time Percy finally tripped Nico up, pressing a blade to his throat. He crouched over him, one knee on the ground and the other grazing Nico's thigh.

A dark look flashed across Percy's face and he involuntarily rolled his hips just once. Nico let out a ragged breath, which seemed to snap Percy out of it. He shook his head, almost to himself, before he withdrew his blade and stood up, offering Nico a hand. Nico frowned and took Percy's hand, feeling a jolt through his body at the contact as Percy hauled him to his feet.

"Thanks," Nico said, voice shaky. He stared hard at Percy, his heart still beating wildly. Percy stared back, looking as though he was about to say something when Frank came up to them, clapping them both on the back.

"I haven't seen a fight like that in years," he said happily, towering over both of them.

"Yeah," Percy said faintly, face flushed, "it was quite a fight."


	2. Chapter 2

A/N:

I'm so sorry that it took me this long to get this chapter out! It gave me a lot more difficulty than the first one so I had to rewrite it a few times. Today's my birthday, so I wanted to get it out to everyone that liked the first chapter and gave me the motivation to continue even through writer's block! Just so you're forewarned, there is a lot of talking in this chapter. A lot.

There are a few **trigger warnings** for this chapter, including mentioned child abuse, spousal abuse, coercion of a child, and maybe internalized homophobia. It's all very mild and only mentioned in either dialogue or thought, but I wanted to warn people just in case!

* * *

Like a Drop in the Ocean

Chapter 2

* * *

"Couldn't sleep again, hon?"

Percy looked up the middle aged woman with the coffee pot in her hand. She gestured toward his empty coffee cup and he nodded, a small smile on his face.

Her name was Ana, pretty in that loving mother sort of way, thin wisps of gray at her temples, and deep cut laugh lines. She was short, plump, always smiling, and there was something about her that reminded Percy of his mother that first time he wandered into the diner several years ago.

"Bad dreams," Percy replied, his smile tightening. He'd spent nearly three hours tossing and turning and waking up with his clothes sticking to his skin in a cold sweat before he gave up, showered, and wound up at the Lou's Diner.

"Hmm," she hummed, giving him a sad smile. "The war again?"

"Yeah," he said, shrugging it off, but doubting that Ana bought it. She wasn't likely to call him on it though, and he was grateful for that.

Not long after he first started going to the diner, Percy fed her a story about why he always looked like a zombie from lack of sleep, that he'd been discharged from the Navy and had PTSD from his time in the warzones.

"I know it's not exactly my business, and I don't mean to be a bother," Ana began with a soft smile, "but you ever thought about maybe going to see someone? Help you maybe figure things out?"

Percy shook his head. "You're no bother, Ana. And really, I appreciate the concern."

"Okay, well that's my two cents," she said, her voice mollifying. "You know me, Percy, I'm a mother and I worry about you. Julio says I can be overbearing sometimes."

The smile he gave in return was genuine, if understated. "I know you do. My mother would too. Julio's lucky."

Ana stole a glance around the rest of the diner, but it was empty but for an older guy reading a novel at the counter while he shoveled scrambled eggs into his mouth, so she slipped into the booth across from Percy, coffee pot still in her hand. Small lines appeared between her eyebrows and she asked, "But really, you doing okay?"

During the four years Percy had been coming to the diner, he'd revealed a few things about himself to Ana. She wasn't overtly nosy or anything, but she did, as she'd said, care a lot about people. She'd never been pushy about it, and sometimes it did feel really good to talk to someone that didn't know who Percy Jackson was. Someone who didn't know his story or what he'd been through.

Granted, he couldn't tell her everything, or even much at all, but it was better than nothing. He knew his friends really cared about him and worried for him, but Percy just didn't feel like the same person he was when he'd helped save the world as a teenager. He was older and needed something else.

"The anniversary is coming up," Percy admitted, staring down into his mug of coffee. It was still steaming, but he took a long sip.

"I thought so," she said, a sad smile on her face. It wasn't exactly pity (and for that Percy was grateful because he didn't need that) but simply a look of sorrow that horrible things could happen to good people.

They sat quietly for a few moments before Ana gestured to the sketchbook Percy'd pushed to the side when he'd received his order of fries a while ago. "You have anything new finished?" she asked.

"Oh, yeah a few things," Percy admitted. He took another sip of his coffee and nodded that it was alright for her to open it.

Ana flipped to the last drawing she'd seen and turned the page. The drawing was of Hazel and Frank leaning against a fence, staring lovingly at each other. He considered doing a painting of it for them as a wedding gift.

"I really like this one," Ana said appreciatively, eyeing the thick graphite lines.

Percy grinned at the drawing. "Those are a couple of friends of mine, Hazel and Frank. They're getting married soon."

"They look like they really love each other," she said.

"Yeah," Percy said, "they really do."

He thought fondly of his friends for a moment until Ana turned the page and he felt his face heat up. There was nothing particularly embarrassing about the drawing, but he was still unable to keep the blood from pinking his face.

It was of that night at Camp Jupiter when Percy had sat down next to Nico in front of the bonfire. They weren't smiling in the drawing, but both boys looked at ease with each other, their faces glowing in the firelight.

Percy willed the blush to go away. It took a few days to admit to himself, just yesterday if he was being honest, how much seeing Nico again really threw him. It had just been so long and Nico had grown up so much. They'd both changed a lot since they last saw each other, and Percy found that he really liked the changes he'd found in Nico, how he was still so intense but seemed to have found some sort of inner calm. Percy was admittedly a bit envious because he'd yet to himself.

"This one is really amazing," Ana murmured, looking up at Percy.

"Thank you," Percy said, meaning it.

"Who is he?" she asked, her voice thoughtful, curious.

"That's my friend Nico. I saw him over the weekend for the first time in years. He's Hazel's, uh, older brother," he finished. True, Nico was technically a bit older than Hazel age-wise despite the fact she'd been born before him.

Matter-of-factly, Ana said, "He means a lot to you." She eyed him as she said it. Her face wasn't exactly passive, but she didn't betray anything either.

"Yeah," Percy admitted, "he definitely did when we were kids. But it was always really complicated." He ran a hand through his unruly hair, making it stick up odd angles. Delightfully sea swept his mom used to call it.

"Maybe he'll mean a lot to you again," Ana said, now smiling that motherly smile of hers that was so much like his mom's it wrenched at his chest. She stood, taking the coffee pot with her. "I have to get back to work."

Standing there, she laid a gentle hand on Percy's shoulder and gave him a wink. "You'll figure it out, hon. But first you should maybe give this Nico a call. Because I know you haven't."

Percy felt his face heat up again. He sputtered for a moment before he said, "Yeah, Ana, you're probably right."

"I know I am, kid," she said, walking off.

Percy sat for a moment, mulling over what she said. He reached across the table and slid the sketch book back to him, staring at drawing-Nico's face.

Letting out a long breath, Percy mumbled, "Yeah, you're definitely right."

* * *

The sun was just breaking the horizon when Percy gathered up his art supplies in his bag to head back home. He left Ana a nice tip and went up to the counter to pay the bill, waving a goodbye to her as she gave him a knowing smirk and told him to make good choices.

He walked the few blocks back to his house, rolling an idea around in his head. Ana was right when she said that Percy hadn't tried to get ahold of Nico and that he wanted to. It had been six years so Percy couldn't say he exactly knew Nico anymore, not really.

Back then, Nico had been so closed off, so secretive and it'd made Percy's chest hurt thinking about how much of it was his own fault. Sure, it wasn't exactly his fault that Bianca had died – she'd made that decision herself – but he never should have made Nico a promise he had the possibility of being unable to keep. Percy had only been about thirteen at the time, but he was still the older one, the one that Nico had looked up to, and Percy had failed him in the worst way.

When he and Annabeth had been in Tartarus, after Percy discovered that it was Nico's friendship with Bob that basically saved their hides, Percy had resolved to do everything he could to bring Nico out of his shell, to help him, get him to open up if he could.

But things hadn't worked out that way. They'd escaped and the war waged on, they won, and Nico disappeared. Even Hazel didn't have a clue where her brother took off to. And then Percy, fresh with the exhilaration of victory, went home to find his entire family slaughtered.

Percy's resolution to help Nico fell by the wayside, and he barely remembered any of it thanks to too much alcohol and hours staring listlessly at the wall in the same clothes from the week before.

Honestly, if he hadn't had for Annabeth, Percy wasn't sure if he would have even made it. It wasn't that he was suicidal exactly, but more that he would have just given up his will to carry on. He only ate when Annabeth made him, he only showered when she forcibly grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and dragged him out of the bed to the shower.

It went on for months. Eventually, Percy found himself back at Camp Half-blood helping to rebuild. He went on missions to bring half-bloods to camp, he gave sword fighting lessons to the younger campers and dutifully hung out with Annabeth and his friends when they asked, but he was never really there for any of it, not mentally.

Annabeth put up with nearly two years of it, gods bless her, before she had to finally put herself first for once and admit that their relationship had stopped working a long time ago. Percy knew there was no fixing a person that didn't want to be fixed and, at the time at least, he'd been content to wallow in his depression. Sure, he'd been upset with her, but Percy never blamed her for leaving.

She deserved so much more than what he could offer her then.

Sometimes, he still missed her when he thought about it. But he really missed what their lives could have been together. Graduating high school, going to college and then getting married. Someday giving his mom and Paul grandkids and making his baby sister an aunt. But after their deaths, Percy didn't know if he even wanted that anymore. Maybe someday down the line, maybe with someone else, but at the age of nineteen what he'd really needed was space, perspective, distance, and chance to figure out who he was now that he had nothing left.

So he packed up a few bags and eventually ended up in California. It was close enough to New Rome and some of his friends, but still far enough away that when the suffocating feeling began to set in, he had some distance to flee. He had the ocean almost literally at his fingertips, a job that wasn't anything to write home about (not that he had anywhere to write to now) but kept him content, even a few new hobbies.

He knew that he'd never be over it, but Percy liked to think he had finally started to heal. Somewhat at least. Maybe he was finally in a place that he could not only understand but also empathize with Nico. Maybe the two of them could finally be friends.

* * *

Percy spent the first hour or so of his shift picking up litter from the beach. It was a mindless task, but it gave him plenty of time to think every morning before he took his seat in the life guard chair, where he sat until his lunch break. When his break rolled around, he bought a couple of chilidogs from a street vendor, wolfed them down, and made his way down to the far pier on his section of the beach. There were signs posted around warning folks of rough waves underneath it, which generally deterred people. But for a son of Poseidon, a few rough waves hardly mattered.

He glanced around to make sure no one was nearby, and ducked around the far side of it. Manipulating the water into a mist in such a way that it caught the light and created a rainbow was one of the few tricks he'd picked up over the last few years. Reaching into the pocket of his red swim trunks, Percy pulled out a gold drachma, tossed it before him, and said, "Oh Iris, goddess of the Rainbow, please accept my offering and show me Nico di Angelo."

In the seconds Percy waited for a picture to appear before him, he wondered if an Iris message would even go through to Nico if he'd already gone back to the Underworld. He didn't have time to ponder it further before Nico appeared before him.

It looked like he was leaning against a tree with a book propped open on his lap. Sun was shining in the background and Percy thought he saw a few familiar buildings off in the distance. Good, he was still in New Rome.

"Hey Nico," Percy said, strumming his fingers along his upper thighs.

Nico started, his book sliding from his lap, and he looked up. "Percy?" he asked. His voice was unsure, like he was surprised to find Percy calling him. Which, now that Percy thought about it, he probably was.

"Hey man, how's it going?"

"I'm good," Nico replied slowly. Percy watched him pick his book up, smooth out the pages, and close it, setting it in the grass next to him. "How are you?"

"I'm not bad," he said honestly. Beyond that, Percy was unsure of what to say next and a silence lapsed between them. He shoved his hands deep into his pockets, fingering the three drachma he still had stuffed into the right one.

Finally, Percy cleared his throat, taking in Nico's suddenly bemused expression. He watched as a light breeze ruffled through Nico's dark hair. "So, uh, what're you reading there?"

Nico's eyes flitted down to his book and he held it up for Percy to see. Percy saw that it was a tan color with a bunch of people on horseback silhouetted in black. He didn't recognize the cover and attempted to focus on the words instead. Rather than come into focus, they swam before him and he had to force his eyes shut.

Uncomfortably scratching the back of his head, Percy admitted in an embarrassed voice, "I can't read it. My dyslexia has always been really bad. Especially when things are in cursive like that."

"Oh," Nico said, yanking the book back, "I'm sorry, I never knew yours was that bad." He looked embarrassed too.

Percy shrugged it off. "Don't apologize, Nico. Besides, you could never make me feel worse about it than about eight years of classmates, special ed teachers, and my stepfather did."

Nico frowned like he wanted to say more but thought better of it. Snapping his mouth shut, he drew in a deep breath and forced a small smile on his face. "It's _The Canterbury Tales_ by Geoffrey Chaucer."

A wide smile spread across Percy's face. "We read that when I went to Goode. Well, my class did. My mom rented the audiobook for me from the library. Some of those stories are pretty wild, aren't they?"

Nico smirked back. "I'm not that far into it, but I'll bare that in mind." He seemed to glance around Percy before frowning. "Are you at the beach?"

"Oh, yeah I'm on my lunch break at work," Percy said with a shrug.

"Ah," Nico said and another silence fell between then.

Finally, Percy squared his shoulders and said, "I'm glad to see you're still above ground. That's sort of why I called you."

"Really?" Nico asked, his voice filled with something Percy couldn't quite identify. Surprise maybe?

"Uh, yes really." Percy rubbed the back of his head again and smiled shyly at the image of Nico before him. He hated feeling shy and decided to just ask what he wanted.

"You ever been down to San Diego?"

* * *

Percy's shift ended at three, but he was forced to wait around until Julio, the guy that relieved him every day, finally showed up, late as usual.

"I'm sorry, Percy!" he'd said, dropping his things as he ran to the lifeguard chair. Percy didn't fault him for being late, but it didn't mean he couldn't tease Julio about it though.

"You're nearly fifteen minutes late," Percy said, doing his best to school his voice into something resembling authority. He must have had just enough years on Julio that it worked because he looked stricken, his face blanching.

"I am _so_ _sorry_! I have to run all the way from school with all my textbooks and I-" Julio rambled until he saw the way Percy's body was shaking from holding in laughter. "You are such a jerk, Jackson! I don't believe you!" Julio ran his hands through his dark hair with his lips pressed tightly together in embarrassment.

"I'm sorry, Julio," Percy said, still grinning widely as he jumped down from the chair, "but I'm messing with you. Again."

Julio rolled his eyes and huffed, before returning Percy's grin.

Percy first met him a few years ago one of the times he'd gone into the diner and Ana had introduced him to her son. Julio'd sat at a few tables away frowning down at his math homework, and Percy watched him for a few moments, recognizing the familiar struggle before he finally got up and plopped down on the other side of the booth from Julio.

"You dyslexic?" he asked bluntly, leaning back and thrumming his fingers on the tabletop.

Julio stared at him, his pencil paused from where he'd been doodling a dragon in the margin of his notebook paper. He'd looked ready to make some scathing comment or another, but held it in when he saw the serious look on Percy's face, and nodded.

"Yeah," Percy said with a sigh, "me too. It's why I always got terrible grades. But I was able to graduate, and you will too because it'll make your mom happy."

"You know my mom?" Julio asked, and saw Ana smile over at them from behind the counter.

Smirking, Percy said, "I've been coming in here a while."

He watched as Julio sighed and expelled some of the tension set in his shoulders. "I just hate when I bring home my grades. She never says anything bad, but I just want to do better. For her. She works so hard and I just want her to be proud of me."

"I didn't know this at the time, but I learned that as long as you keep trying to do better, to _be _better, Moms'll be proud no matter what."

"Is your mom proud of you?" Julio asked, cocking his head to the side in a way that vaguely reminded Percy of someone, but he wasn't sure who.

"I think she was," he said softly, before leaning forward so his elbows rested on the table. "On a scale of one to ten, I'm still dyslexic as a thirteen-point-shit, but there's probably a few things I could teach you that might help you out."

Now Julio was a senior in high school and wasn't struggling _quite_ as much as he had been before. Percy told Ana about the job openings at the beach back in April, and Julio worked there ever since. Sometimes, rather than hang out at the diner to wait for his mom to get off work so they could take the bus home together, Julio hung out at Percy's place, kicking Percy's ass at video games and going on about a girl he liked in his class who wouldn't give him the time of day.

It was a little sad to admit, but he was probably Percy's most frequent visitor, which truthfully, Percy didn't mind too much. Aside from the just the dyslexia, Julio's life seemed something like how Percy's would have been if he wasn't the son of a god with the over-worked single mom trying to make ends meet and the father out of the picture.

After a few more playful jeers, Percy bid Julio goodbye and walked from the beach to the grocery store a few blocks from his house. He wasn't really sure what Nico liked, but he picked up a variety of snacks and, on a whim, grabbed a twenty-four pack of beer and a few bottles of liquor. He didn't think Nico was quite twenty-one yet, but most of the half-bloods at camp drank long before their legal birthdays. There was even the time, right after they'd all come back on the remains of the Argo II and Percy'd gone home to find his family dead that Dionysus took pity on him and personally gave him a crate of bacchanalian wine. It took Percy an embarrassingly short time to drink his way through it all.

As for dinner, he figured they could order a pizza or something low-key since Nico said he wanted to catch up. Percy thought briefly of taking Nico down to the diner, but some of the conversations they were likely to have were of things that really did _not_ need to be overheard by the general populace. That, and he didn't think he was quite ready for the knowing looks from Ana if she was back for an evening shift.

When Percy got home, he stowed away her purchases and decided to take a quick shower to wash off a day of sitting under the sun. It was clouded over that day, but it didn't stop him from sweating as he sat in practically the same spot all day.

He was just stepping out of the shower when he heard knocking at his front door. "It's open!" he yelled, listening for a moment to see if Nico had heard him. Silence. Wrapping his towel around his waist, Percy quickly padded from the bathroom to the front door and opened it.

Nico stood there, hands buried deep in the pockets of his dark blue jeans, his eyes wide. He inhaled sharply before steeling himself and smirking. "You greet all your guests that way, Jackson?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Only the cute ones," Percy replied before mentally slapping himself. Nico was his friend, and there was no way Percy should be that forward with one of his friends. Even the ones that had grown up quite nicely.

Nico only grinned at him as Percy stepped to the side to let him step inside. "I'm not so sure I'm the one that's the flatterer here, Jackson," he said, referring to their conversation at Camp Jupiter over the weekend.

"Maybe," Percy said, shutting the door. Gesturing toward the living room, Percy said, "Make yourself at home. I'm just going to finish getting ready."

Percy slipped into his bedroom and grabbed clean boxers and jeans from his drawers, putting them on before walking over to the closet. He wasn't sure Nico had ever really seen him out of his camp shirts much. Unfortunately, he also hadn't done laundry lately so there wasn't a whole lot to choose from. But he did have a clean plaid short-sleeved button down that he put on over a white tank top.

Stopping at his dresser, Percy put on deodorant and a dab of nice cologne Rachel Elizabeth Dare got for him a few Christmases ago ("It's time for you to start smelling like a grown-up, Percy."). He made a pit-stop in the bathroom to see if he looked alright, running his fingers through his nearly dry but still windswept hair. Percy wondered briefly if it was a kid-of-Poseidon thing to perpetually have hair that looked like you're always sailing the high seas with the wind beating harshly at your hair, probably a little fuck you from Zeus since he had no dominion under the surface. Tyson's hair was always kind of like that too, but Percy wasn't entirely sure he owned he owned a comb either, and the one time Percy had met Triton, his hair had kind of been floating around his head underwater style. Maybe he'd ask his dad if ever saw him again.

* * *

"Sorry about that," Percy said when he finally emerged from the bathroom, heading from the kitchen to stop at the fridge. "You want one?" He held up a can of beer.

"Yeah, sure," Nico replied absently. Percy grabbed another can and headed to the living room, watching as Nico leaned closely to the pictures Percy hanged when he moved in. There were photos of various people from camp smiling at the camera. One of the Seven and Hedge on the Argo II, smiling but battle weary. One of Percy, Grover, and Annabeth on the steps of the Big House not too long after Percy first discovered he was a half-blood, and Percy and Tyson laughing at the camera after a food fight that earned then janitorial duties for two weeks.

Tucked in the corner was a picture Nico never even knew was taken. It had to have been right after Nico went to camp for the first time. He was looking up excitedly at Percy, who had an expression of wavering patience on his face. A stack of Mythomagic cards were in his hand as Nico gesticulated wildly.

"Where'd you get this one?" Nico asked, his gaze snapping up to meet Percy's.

Percy shrugged. "Believe it or not, Travis Stoll loves photography. I think it might have started as a way to capture people doing embarrassing things that he could use to blackmail them later-" Nico snorted loudly, "-but he actually got pretty good at it and started taking pictures all the time. Before I left New York to move out here, he gave me this big stack of photos so I could remember the good times before everything kind of went to shit."

Nico wasn't sure what the feeling was that had bubbled up inside him, but it felt surprisingly fragile, leaving an unnamable tightness in chest as he continued to look at Percy. Percy's eyes lingered for a long moment too, before he turned his attention to a few framed photographs on his end table.

In a simple silver frame was a photo of Percy and his mom when he was only about four or five, just a tiny thing with too much curly inky-black hair and overlarge green eyes. They were on the beach with a large expanse of water behind them. Dried tear streaks fell parallel down young Percy's face, but both he and his mom smiled widely at the camera. They looked happy.

"That one was from one of the first times Mom took me to Montauk. She used to take me there so we could get away from Smelly Gabe," Percy said, picking up the photograph to look at it.

"Smelly Gabe?" Nico asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Oh yeah, I guess you wouldn't know about him because he was gone before I met you." Percy paused, setting the photo back down and running a hand through his hair. He seemed to do that a lot. "He, uh, he was my first stepdad. Smelly Gabe is what I used to call him because he just stank all the time. Of, like, b.o. and beer. To this day, I can't stand the smell of that cheap crap he used to drink."

"So what happened to him?" Nico asked.

He watched as Percy opened his beer and downed a big gulp, his shoulders tense, before he replied, "You met Paul before. Gabe was about as different from Paul as you can get. He was just an all-around asshole, you know?

"He used to scream at us all the time and refused to work most of the time, but would try to spend all the money my mom made as soon as she cashed her check. Sometimes Gabe would, uh, he'd hit us. Mostly Mom when I wasn't around, but sometimes me too when he tripped over a mess he thought I made but was really him while he was drunk, or I brought home a bad grade. And then every time I got kicked out of another school. Which was a lot. He never did it when my Mom was around though, because the one time he tried, she wacked him with a frying pan. It was actually pretty awesome." Percy let out a harsh laugh, his hand combing through his hair again.

"Anyway, I don't know if you know, but during my first quest at camp, back when Zeus thought I stole his master bolt, we came across Medusa and killed. When we got back, I gave the head to my mom and she turned Gabe into a statue. Now he lives in a museum because Mom sold him as art and the critics loved the hideousness of it.

"I didn't know till later that my mom was only with him because he smelled so gods awful that it kept the monsters away from me. Up until that point, I didn't know anyone was even capable of loving someone that much." Percy's voice tapered off before he fell silent.

Nico's jaw fell open, amazed that despite how much time he'd spent obsessing over Percy when he was younger (whether it was good or bad), there was still so much about him that he didn't know. The way Percy acted, especially back then, it was like outside of god and demigod drama, nothing ever bothered him.

Moving to the only other framed photograph, Percy picked it up too and showed it to Nico. It was Percy, maybe sixteen or so, holding on his lap a baby girl with soft brown curls and big blue eyes. They both smiled widely at the camera, which surprised Nico because he didn't know kids that young could smile. But maybe she'd somehow known, even that young, that she'd lucked out in having Percy for a brother.

"That's Katie," he said, his voice so soft Nico almost missed it. "I only ever got to see her a few times because she was born about a month before Hera snatched me and set everything in motion. Last time I ever saw Mom and Paul too."

Nico was sure there was more Percy could have said, but it wasn't really needed. What really could be said about the slaughter of innocent people, especially a baby? It made Nico think that maybe he and Percy weren't so different now after all, and didn't that make him feel things he didn't want to get into.

"Anyway," Percy said, half-shrugging with a sad smile as he set the photograph back down.

He turned his attention back to Nico, downed the rest of his beer and said, "I really didn't invite you over to talk about morbid things, I swear."

He smiled at Nico again, this time a real smile, not like one of those sad ones he'd had on his face only seconds ago, and the force of it nearly made Nico's knees buckle. His heart was so fucked and he knew it, but somehow it didn't feel quite like the acute knife point pain from when he was fourteen. He liked to think he could handle it better now, but that was probably just wishful thinking.

And after that awkward conversation from Persephone and Demeter of all people about pushing people away and having no one left, Nico felt that he owed it to himself to be honest and admit that Percy was someone he'd always cared about and that, even six years later, he was someone Nico wanted in his future in some capacity. Because some people just get under your skin so early on, that they never really leave you no matter what you do to try to force them out.

"You want another?" Percy asked, waving his empty beer can.

Nico looked at the can in his hand and, realizing he'd never actually opened it in the first place, pulled the tab and chugged it. When it was gone, he saw Percy watching him with amusement. "Sure."

* * *

Hours later, after the entire twenty-four pack and each bottle of alcohol, along with a few partials Percy had squared away in his cupboard, was gone, along with two large pizzas, Nico told Percy that it was time for him to go back to Camp Jupiter where he was staying.

"Should you even shadowtravel when you're drunk?" Percy asked, hoping his friend didn't notice how much he slurred his words.

"I totally can," Nico said, with a very unconvincing shrug. "I'm, like, the best shadowtraveler around."

Percy snorted. "Well, other than my hellhound, I don't know anyone else that actually can shadowtravel other than you. So being the best is kind of default."

"Irrelevant," Nico said, rolling his eyes. He stood up abruptly, wobbling, and would have toppled over had Percy not grabbed his arm to steady him.

"Have you ever even drank before?" he asked, looking more than a bit smug because, while he was drunk, he definitely wasn't _that_ drunk.

"_Mio dio_, Percy, I'm Italian! I can handle my alcohol," Nico said, gesticulating wildly. Percy was struck by how much it reminded him of the ten year old he first met a decade ago.

"Whatever you say, Nico. But my couch is open if you want it. If you stick around, I'll even make us breakfast in the morning," Percy offered.

"You can cook?" Nico asked incredulously, eyes wide like that was the strangest thing Percy admitted to him that day.

"Of course I can," Percy said, grinning. "I've lived by myself for four years. Can't live off of cereal and frozen dinners."

"Believe me, you can," Nico assured him

"Okay, well _I_ can't live off of it. So I borrowed some cookbooks from this woman, Ana, who works at my favorite diner. She gave me cooking tips and free coffee while I tutored her kid."

"Always so helpful, aren't you Jackson?" Nico asked sardonicly.

"Right now," Percy said, standing, "I need to help myself to the toilet."

"Was that supposed to be funny?" Nico shouted at him as Percy walked to the bathroom. "Because that was lame. Even for you."

"Just let me know if you want to stay when I get back."

Nico's mind seemed to be made up because a minute later, Percy found him sprawled across the couch on his stomach, completely asleep. With a fond smile, Percy pulled Nico's shoes off (Jesus, how much had his feet grown since he was fourteen? His feet were huge now.) and draped a blanket across him, before heading to bed.

* * *

Nico noticed three things when he finally woke in the morning: it was gods awful bright, his head felt like it had been stomped on by pegasus hooves overnight, and something smelled really, _really_ good.

"Good morning, sunshine," Nico heard Percy call out. Cracking an eye open and peaking blearily through his tangled hair, Nico saw Percy standing over the stove. "Well, afternoon is more accurate. Anyway, there's nectar for you," Percy said, nodding at the glass in front of Nico. "I diluted it some with water because it's a hangover, not a mortal injury."

Nico groaned as he sat up some, reaching for the glass, and downed it, savoring the faint taste of the deep fried _struffoli_ his mom used to make on holidays. It was one of the few memories he'd gotten back since his father dipped him and Bianca in the Lethe all those years ago, the warm smiles on her face for Nico as he helped her mix the dough, making more of a mess than anything, Bianca rolling her eyes at him.

He waited for the nectar to take effect, rolling onto his back and staring drowsily up at Percy's water stained ceiling. It struck him as funny that the son of Poseidon's home might have water damage, but then again, it could have easily happened before Percy moved in. The small house looked like a strong gust of wind might knock it over if Zeus had the inclination.

"You always so cheerful when you first wake up?" Nico asked, swinging his head to the side to look in Percy's direction.

"Not really," Percy admitted, bustling around the kitchen, "I've been up for hours. Went for a run, showered, went to the grocery store, and did my laundry. I did get someone else to cover my shift at work though."

"Well la ti da, isn't Percy Jackson so wonderful," Nico grumbled sarcastically, but he didn't really mean it.

"That's just a rumor," Percy said, smirking up at him, and damn if Nico didn't feel it all the way down to his toes. "I hear that guy's a real tool."

"Nah, he's alright," Nico shrugged. He sat up and excused himself to the bathroom, missing the way Percy's eyes lingered on him as he left the room.

After relieving himself, Nico grimaced at the dark circles under his eyes when he looked in the mirror. He splashed some water on his face and attempted to smooth down some of his bedhead before going back out to the living room and lying back down on the couch. The nectar was already kicking in, but he still felt a little nauseous.

"It's almost done," Percy said. Nico heard a few _thumps_ and _clangs_ from the kitchen and closed his eyes.

He must have dozed off because the next thing he knew, he felt someone poking him in the chest. Snapping his eyes open, he saw Percy standing over him with an amused look on his face. "Breakfast." He pointed to the pans of steaming food sitting on potholders on the coffee table.

"Thanks," Nico said, sitting up. Percy sat down on the couch a few feet away. He handed Nico a plate, and began pointing to each of the dishes. "We have bacon, scrambled eggs with bell peppers, onions, and cheese, hash browns, and homemade banana nut muffins."

"Wow, you went all out, Percy," Nico said, impressed.

"Yeah, well I haven't had anyone else to cook for for a while, so I may have gone a little overboard," he said with a shrug. "When the Stolls came to visit me, we mostly pigged out on take out and junk food, and when Chris and Clarisse came, Clarisse refused to eat anything I made for some reason. But I thought you might appreciate it."

Nico felt surprisingly touched. After years of avoiding him and trying to disparage him through Nico's heartache, it had been easy to forget that Percy was essentially a caring and good guy. Like they'd talked about at Camp Jupiter, he made mistakes, but Percy had never been intentionally malicious to Nico.

Unsure of what else to say, Nico said again, "Thanks, Percy."

"Anytime," Percy said, helping himself to a helping of potatoes. Something in Nico really hoped he meant it.

He grabbed one of the muffins and the tub of butter. When Percy handed him a butter knife, the warm skin of his fingers brushed Nico's palm, his mouth going bone dry, and he dropped it.

"Sorry!" Nico said, jumping to the floor to look for the lost knife.

"It's okay, Nico," Percy said, and he had that amused lilt to his voice again, the one that always used to make Nico's stomach squirm. And, it turned out, it still did.

The knife wasn't anywhere Nico could see, so he blindly began to reach under the couch for it. "It's probably really dirty under there, Nico. You really don't have to look for it. We can get another one," Percy said. It sounded like his mouth was full of food, so Nico ignored him.

His fingers finally brushed along the cold metal of the knife, which lay parallel to him, and he pulled it towards him. "Got it," he said, pulling it out with a flurry and holding it up with a grin.

Nico saw Percy's eyes widen and his face blanch as he looked at it. Frowning, Nico turned his eyes to it and saw hanging from the end of it what looked like a scrap of navy fabric. Sequined navy fabric.

"What the heck is that?" Nico asked, puzzled. He pulled it off the knife and held it up, staring at it.

It only took him a few seconds before it finally dawned on him that it was a thong. A decidedly male thong if all the extra fabric at the front of it was any indication.

Both of Nico's eyebrows shot up toward his hairline.

"It's not mine!" Percy said quickly, snatching the dusty underwear from Nico's hand. He set his plate down on the coffee table and sprang up and ran to the kitchen, tossing the thong in the garbage can. He seemed to linger in the kitchen longer than need be, as if deciding his next move and, after a moment, came back to the living room and gingerly sat back down on the couch.

His cheeks were bright red. "God, this is embarrassing," he mumbled, "but it really isn't mine. It belonged to my ex."

For one wild moment, Nico thought Percy meant Annabeth, but he knew they'd broken up before Percy even moved to California. That, and he doubted Annabeth was one for wearing men's underwear.

"But it's...men's underwear, right?" Nico asked. It felt like something in the room was shifting, was falling into place, and a cold chill ran down his back because this was the closest Nico had come to talking about _it_ since he'd left the Underworld, and in this instance, it wasn't even about him at all.

"It is," Percy confirmed. His cheeks were still flushed and he scratched at the back of his neck. "He was a dancer, and that was one of his, um, costumes. He must have left it here at some point. We broke up more than a year ago, I believe it was still down there. I guess that tells you how often I clean under my couch, huh?" he added sheepishly.

Percy was rambling, but Nico could hardly hear it over the rush of blood in his ears, could hardly hear it over the chant of _Percy dated a guy, Percy dated a guy, Percy dated a guy_ inside his head. "So you…date guys?" Nico asked in a voice that sounded like everything he knew about the world had shifted.

"Well, I like women too, but yeah, I do date guys." After Nico didn't say anything more, Percy shifted uncomfortably in his seat, misinterpreting Nico's reaction. "Does it, uh, bother you? Me not being straight?" Percy asked finally, watching Nico's face redden.

"No!" Nico said, a little too quickly. "Not at all!" He knew that this was the time to confess that he too liked guys, but he couldn't bring himself to say it, couldn't bring himself to say _Yeah, I like guys too. In fact, I've basically been in love with you since I first saw you when I was ten. Maybe it started out as hero worship, but it didn't stay that way, and all this time I thought you were straighter than a ruler, but I guess I was wrong. Wouldn't be the first time that Nico di Angelo was wrong about something._

"No Percy," Nico said, clearing his throat some, "I'm perfectly fine with it. Okay?" He attempted to give Percy what he hoped was a smile and not a grimace.

Percy must have taken it for a smile, because he returned it. "Okay. Actually," he said after a minute, cocking his head to the side with a wry smile, "I'm sort of surprised you didn't know before now. What, with all the rumors that went around about me and Luke."

Nico's brow furrowed. "You and Luke Castellan?" he asked slowly.

"Yeah," he said, looking out the window over the back of the couch. "There aren't many people that know the whole truth, but a lot of the other kids sure liked to speculate."

"Speculate about what?" Nico asked, holding his breath, just wanting.

Percy's eyes darted over to Nico without turning his head. "Speculate about just how _together_ Luke and I really were before he tried to kill me and left camp."

"Oh. But he was so much older than you back then." Nico felt the blood begin to drain from his face even as he said it, understanding what it meant, what he must have done.

Sighing, Percy turned his full attention back to Nico, and he could see the old pain layered there on his face. "I'd just gotten to camp and thought my mom was dead, and then this really cool older kid starts paying all this attention to me, teaching me to sword fight and just spending time with me. It was probably a bit of hero worship in a way, but I was still trying to work through things about myself and he picked up on that, so he kissed me and stuff, told me how much he liked me. I bought every word he said.

"I think that's why I was so damned angry at him. I genuinely cared about him, and he used me because I was the only kid of the Big Three that anyone knew about at the time. He was supposed to try and persuade me to their side, but I refused and he tried to make me pay for it. Even in the end, I thought, _hoped,_ he might betray Kronos for me, but it was Annabeth he cared about and we both knew it. The entire time she and I were together, I tried so hard not to resent her because it really hurt, but I think I did a little and she knew it but didn't blame me. I think its maybe why she and I were together for so long, because we both loved him but, in the end neither of us could have him." Percy's voice cracked.

Unable to stop himself, Nico surged forward and wrapped his arms around Percy, pulling him into a tight hug. "Is this okay?" he asked breathlessly, feeling his arms begin to tremble. Or maybe it was Percy that was trembling, it was hard to say.

"Yeah, Nico, it's okay," Percy whispered, hugging him back hard.

* * *

Nico left a few hours later to join Hazel for dinner as he'd promised. He and Percy made plans to hang out again when Percy made it up to Camp Jupiter for the weekend to teach. Rather than heading straight to camp though, Nico shadowtraveled east to Camp Half-blood.

A few days before, he'd gone and visited. Piper and Leo were both away on a quest, but he got to see Jason and Chiron and even Dionysus, who gave him a nod and an exasperated eye roll.

Without pretense, he landed on the front stoop of the Zeus cabin and started pounding on the door. Eventually Jason, shirtless with his blond hair mussed, opened the door. "Nico?" he asked groggily. "I was taking a nap."

"Yeah, I can see that," Nico muttered, crossing his arms over his chest and doing his best to keep his anger and his blossoming freak out to a minimum.

"So what are you doing here? Were we supposed to hang out today?" he asked, stifling a yawn.

"No, that's in a few days," Nico said, uncrossing his arms and putting his hands on his hips, not elaborating.

"So what's up then?"

"All those times we talked over Iris message while I was in the Underworld, and you never once _thought_ to tell me?" Nico demanded.

"Tell you what? You're going to have to be a bit more specific than that."

"About Percy," Nico said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"About Percy," Jason repeated. "I thought you didn't want to talk about Percy." Realizing Nico wasn't going to let him go back to his nap, he reached inside his cabin and grabbed a pair of sandals and a t-shirt and put them on.

"There's _something_ about him that I might have liked to know. Something that would have made me feel like less of a freak all these years."

Jason sighed, grabbing Nico's arm and pulling off so they could have the conversation in private. Ironically, they ended up down at the docks. "You've never been a freak, Nico, and people are stupid if they think you are. You've always been the hardest one on yourself."

"I know that," Nico snapped, sitting down to let his feet dangle over the side of the dock. Jason sighed again and sat down next to him. "I can't believe you never told me," Nico said finally.

"Well for one, I didn't know until after he and Annabeth broke up, like two years after you disappeared down into the Underworld. And secondly, it wasn't mine to tell. I never told anyone about you, so why would I betray him then too?" Jason asked simply.

Nico had to admit Jason had a point. "He made it seem like everyone knows," Nico said, still feeling some residual anger burn through him.

"Well, they kind of do," Jason said, snorting. "He and Will weren't exactly discreet when they dated."

"Will Solace?" Nico asked, internally groaning. Will Solace was basically everything Nico was not; kind, good-looking and athletic, with the ability to heal people through song. If that was the sort of guy Percy liked, then Nico wasn't any closer to being Percy's type than he had been three hours ago before he even knew Percy liked guys.

It was sort of interesting to Nico, in an absent thinking sort of way, that there were guys like Will and Percy, perfect guys that everyone looked up to, that were like Nico, that maybe he wasn't as alone in it as he always thought. His upbringing in a different time period with different mores and values was hard to overcome no matter how much Nico told himself that things had changed. Though it was hard seeing guys like Percy and Will being considered even remotely close to immoral.

"That's the one," Jason said, and Nico groaned aloud this time.

"So he likes blond guys," he said, thinking also of Luke.

"I've never dated him," Jason said, giving Nico a shit-eating grin that sixteen year old Jason Grace never would have. "Though if Jackson came on to me, I might consider it. Have you seen his ass?"

Nico rolled his eyes as he felt a sharp laugh escape him, and shoved Jason playfully. "Shut up," he mumbled. And then, after thinking about it for a moment, Nico said, "Well, blond guys and strippers."

Jason guffawed. "He told you about Jonah?" he asked.

"You know about him?" Nico asked, surprised.

"Yeah, I actually met him once when I went to visit," Jason said. "For the record, Jonah was _not_ a blond."

"Yeah?" Nico asked, giving Jason a small smile.

"Yeah," Jason said, nudging with his elbow and returning his smile. "You know, I'm really glad you decided to come back. It was cool keeping in touch through IM, but I like talking to you in person better."

"I'm glad I did too," Nico admitted truthfully.

"So," Jason began slyly, "you just come from Percy's then?" Nico nodded. "You know, when I talked to Reyna a few days ago, she told me about your little sword fight at Camp Jupiter."

Nico cringed, knowing where this was going.

"She said after Percy had you pinned, it looked like you two were about to fuck right there in the arena."

"Reyna wouldn't say that!" Nico gasped.

"I can read between the lines, dude. For the record, the way she described it? It sounded pretty mutual," Jason said, and this time Nico could tell that he was no longer joking around.

"Yeah?" Nico asked, a wave of uncertainty washing over him.

"Normally, I'd tell you to move on, to not get your hopes up. I know I did back then right before you disappeared. But things have changed. _Both_ of you have changed. I think my answer has too.

"Besides, I may or may not have heard it from from Juniper who heard it from Grover that Percy was really excited after he saw you at Camp Jupiter over the weekend."

A warm feeling settled low in Nico's stomach as he repeated Jason's words over and over in his head. Looking out over the water and watching a hippocampi poke its head above the surface, Nico felt himself become truly hopeful for the first time in a decade.

* * *

A/N: There were two instances of Nico's Italian heritage in this chapter and I hope that I have them both accurate. One was when he said 'mio dio' and I hoped I used that correctly. My Italian teacher always used to say that, but I only took one semester about four years ago. Also, I mention struffoli, which are small deep fried dough balls made with honey, usually with cinnamon or sprinkles or something on top. I read that struffoli originated in the Naples area, but that it was eaten in Venice as well. If that doesn't ring true, just let me know and I'll fix it!


End file.
